Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
D3 body, D1 cock
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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