If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
