A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
