If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
