his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
