If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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