Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
