you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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