i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
