Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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