I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
