dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I see more hoeing in ur future
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
