we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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