I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
