Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
