I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
