I accidentally had phone sex last night
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
