it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
