no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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