Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
