There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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