I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
