Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
