I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
