i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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