yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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