He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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