You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
