I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
