im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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