Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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