Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
