All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
