My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
