If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Brb crying the tears of my youth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
