ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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