Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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