i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
