I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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