Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
