it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
