dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
