we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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