I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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