you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
