Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
