I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
