i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
