I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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