Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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