Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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