Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
