They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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